Those Extra 5 lbs.

Ok, so maybe it's more like 7 lbs, 14, maybe even 20. Let's not get so detailed. The point is, your favorite pair of bottoms didn't shrink in the dryer. Remember? We talked about this. Your fave jeans takes 6 wears for it to feel comfortable again after a round in the dryer so you decided to hang dry even though they feel like a piece of cardboard for the first 3 wears. What was I saying? Oh, yeah... Those extra 5 lbs. Yup, that's why you had trouble buttoning your jeans this morning. So, what are you gonna do about it? You have a couple of choices. You could start trying on every single item in your closet only to realize that everything in your closet looks horrible on you and you couldn't possibly leave your room this morning because you will spend the next several hours torturing yourself by the light of day. Forget work, housework, kids, the phone - you have more important things at hand. And when did that extra dimple show up? Or you could rummage through the very back or bottom or top of your closet for the clothes you promised yourself never to wear again after you lost a few. You meant to give them away, but after they spent 8 months in the trunk of your car, your husband mistakenly dragged it in with the rest of the groceries. Sweating and sneezing you pull on what used to be your favorite top.  ACK!!!

It fits. NOoooooooo!!!! Instantly, you dissolve into tears because if it looks good, it means it fits and if it fits, it means.... Oh, stop with the melodrama. You could just bleach all your clothes, or scorch them with your iron or shrink them in your dryer until they're so small they'd fit the cabbage patch doll you had as a kid. But why bother with the traitors? You could just crawl into bed for the rest of the day and surround yourself with junk food. Oh, yeah, you got rid of that stuff. What about the baking chocolate - ok, so it's a little bitter on the bittersweet side of things - goes with the mood, right? Screeeeeeeeeeeeech. Get out of bed. Here's what you need to do................... (Oops, sorry for the break, I just got up to get some ice cream.)

Take a shower, all that sniveling needs to be washed away. You should get a nice smelling shower gel for such occasions. My preference is minty fresh stuff (Burt's Bees makes a really nice one). Put on your makeup if you wear any. Today is not a day to experiment with that new red lipstick (trust me, you have to be in the right frame of mind otherwise you'll end up in bed again). Put on your new favorite bra (see first post) and underwear that doesn't dig in anywhere. If you'll feel more comfortable wearing your Spanx, then go for it. Put on your old clothes. Yes, today is also not a day to squeeze yourself into anything that will poke (fun of) you all day, oh and yeah, the bleach stain really is noticeable. Put on a great pair of heels because..... HELLO? Oh, you were looking at yourself in the mirror. Not so bad, right? Yeah, heels really do come in handy sometimes. The camera may add on 10 lbs, but heels take away 5 and no one is taking your picture. And if they do, I'll threaten to put up many horrible photos of them on Facebook. A spritz of perfume, no more than 3 minutes in front of the entryway mirror and out you go. If you are a firm believer in retail therapy, take my suggestion and don't do any clothes shopping. Accessories and shoes - those are your options. You know, because no matter what - you could always find something in the those categories to make you feel a little better. Stand a little taller, smile a little harder. But most importantly, give a genuine compliment to a different person each day for the next week. Yeah, you got it. Sometimes, the best way to make yourself feel better is to make someone else feel good too, it's that ch-easy (oh, the pun!).

And if all else fails, get yourself some junk food.

Top 10 at your Favorite Discount Store

Whether or not you want to admit it, your wallet needs a little break. It's been gaining weight recently and it's not because of the extra bills you haven't been feeding it. It's because of all those receipts you've been stuffing it with. And while we're at it - do you really think you need that receipt from Starbucks for the Mocho Choco Latte Grande from 2007? I'm not telling you to stop your therapeutic retail madness, because I like to practice what I speaketh, and I do speaketh retail therapy. You just need to switch things up a little. The only plus side of this economy (but let's not get depressed about it) is that Neiman Marcus had a one day 20% discount on all Cosmetics, except Chanel a couple weeks ago (oops, sorry, I kept that to myself). Yes, I did write ALL Cosmetics, except Chanel - yeah, La Mer, Bobbi Brown, Laura Mercier, Sisley and all kinds of cosmetic goodness was 20% cheaper. Usually means that I buy 20% more (you give a little, I give a little, even Steven). My point? Your wallet isn't the only one suffering from receipt stuffage. Neiman Marcus, Bloomindales, Saks Fifth Avenue - they've all got wallets screaming red tag for customers, but no one's buying. Window shopping? yup. Buying, regret, returning? Double Yup (hey, you! the one who goes exercising at the gym instead of at the mall - yeah, you with the sweatpants and the painted on abs - STOP judging and have a cookie). So, 20% cheaper for items that NEVER go on sale, 50 dollar gift card for spending 100, and a veteran saleslady who worked at Neiman's for 20 years who said she has never, and I mean nevah evah witnessed a sale sign

reflecting off the polished glass cosmetics counters of the Neiman's? You know what this means? Run to your closest Last Call because you know that you don't have to sift much to find those Louboutins, Manolos, Choos and Viviers. Yeah, I know that you had trouble finding a decent pair last year and the one pair you found you had to hide somewhere in the Men's department behind the bathrobes, waiting for Black Friday to give you a break. You! with the fake Louis Vitton purse (yeah, we all know it's fake) don't be such a snob - who cares if they're last season, Fakes were never and will never be in season, so there! Sorry about that, I got distracted. I was going to give you a top 10, right? So here goes:

1. Shoes, shoes, shoes, shoes. Suddenly Aldo seems expensive compared to the good deals you'd be getting at your favorite discount store. Oh, so it's 50 bucks more for a pair. You know what that means? Here's how you balance things out... cut back on Starbucks - they burn their coffee anyway and Dunkin Donuts is so much better.

2. Purses, Bags, Purses, Handbags, Pocketbooks, whatever you call them... Look for the 40% off the last ticketed price and another 20% off that, usually a good deal. But don't just buy because you got percentage happy. Buy because you reeeaaaaallly need that bag, purse, whatever.

3. Accessoriiiiieeessss. As in, sunglasses, hats, scarves, gloves, pins, hair stuff. Recent gloat? Most awesome pair of $400 Derek Lam polarized sunglasses for $25 at Loehmann's. Nope, it was the only pair, sorry!

4. Candles. Yeah, really, I'm serious. Decent candles are expensive when they're full price. And no, please don't try to suffocate me with that horrible candle you got at the dollar store. They lace those with arsenic, you know?

5. Baby Clothes. Want to be the favorite gift-giver who didn't cop out at The Gap? So, she probably knows you didn't spend the full $240 for that scrap of material for her newborn... but she'll never guess you got it for $11. And don't be tacky by taking off the sale tag and keeping the old, pricey version by mistake.

6. That skirt or pant that you just couldn't rationalize, but now that it's 75% off, well, uh, wouldn't you be making a huge financial mistake if you didn't buy it?

7. Perfume!! Seriously! Loads of scents off. (hee hee, I'm not usually that good with puns) And it's not like Canal Street where you suspect they may be filling the bottle with water or alcohol, or 'fake' perfume and you want to haggle but have a really hard time doing it because you're afraid the cops are gonna bust you too if you spend 5 more minutes there.

8. Dresses. Dressy Dresses. Day Dresses. Evening Dresses. And since they're so cheap, you can buy 2 for extra alteration material. (Another topic altogether, but a must mention over here too.)

9. Coats, jackets, outerwear. Where else can you find them on sale before December? Well, it may or may not be your fault that you gained 8 lbs last winter and didn't think to replace your coat because you'll lose the weight over the summer. Please. You're getting older and those lbs are getting comfy on you. The only problem is that your coat's not as comfy.

10. Something nice for your husband, friend, child, friend's child so you can justify all your new purchases and why you actually spent more money by saving more money.

An Ode to British Bras

I know, believe me! I've seen you, "subtly" adjusting your bra behind your oversize purse every 15 minutes. You, jogging with your arms "subtly" lending support to your 3 sports bras and your 5 year old under-wire bra, the one with the rips near the clips and the pit stains. You, the only one of your crew who never bothers with Victoria Secret and heads straight to Macy's or JC Penney for the bra you bought in those 2 "colors" for the past 7 years. (And yes, I also know that you were extremely excited when they came out with it in black last year.) I know because I was you until I was introduced to the most beautiful bra I will ever have owned. Beautiful, because IT FIT!!! And I had no idea what that meant, until the scary lady showed me (mostly scary because she told me I had to go up 3 cup sizes and down by one band size). Didn't ride up in back? Check. Wires rested against my chest bone? Check! No spillage? Check!!! I gladly plunked down the $125 plus tax for my beautiful, black with lace detail, Freya bra. My first non-boxed bra. I was pretty much in love. I immediately went home and after lovingly hand washing it (if you spent $125, you would too - and quite frankly, you should even if you only spent $30) I happily spent the next couple of hours googling away. Here's what I discovered. Figleaves.com, Bravissimo.com & Undercoverexperience.com. I've never visited England - but I guarantee if I had to list their top 10 attractions, Freya Lingerie would be in the top 5. I willingly spent my next couple of paychecks on those sights, collecting stunning bras in "real" colors and shapes and patterns! Plus, after realizing that the little lingerie store marked up the bra I purchased by more than double, I thought spending $60 for a gorgeous piece was pretty reasonable. (Yes, this is one reason that I never saved any money from my first job.) Well, you guessed it by now, I'm talking to those of you who would never dream of buying a padded bra and probably never even had a chance to wear a training bra! There may be some major glorification of "real" padding in pop culture and the media, but all glory is lost in the boxed bras aisles of Macy's. Nothing made me happier (ok, lots of things did, but I don't want to lose track here) when I discovered that Nordstroms and Saks 5th Avenue and Intimacy had discovered the Brits too. My point is, it's time you burnt your bras! (Well, the crummy ones, I'll let you keep your best one until you've made THE purchase!) No more [and I have to say (shout) this] granny bras!!! No more granny bras!!! Say hello to your new best friends and buy them something extra nice (you've been treating them really badly, and they want more than an apology).

Personal recommendations:

Visit one of the listed websites or stores for a demonstration on getting the right fit. Most women are wearing the wrong size. You probably need 2 sizes to accommodate you during your cycle. My personal favorites (if you can't tell, you didn't read my article) are the British companies (they even have sports bras). Your best bet is to spend about an hour or more getting properly sized and then trying on different styles (a seam here or there can really make a difference) and companies, cups and band sizes. Remember to try them on under your shirt as well to really get a proper look at the shape. And no, you are not going to find a $20 bra. But if you properly care for them and you don't wear the same one over and over, they should last you one to two years. And that's a pretty good lifespan for a bra. So throw your shoulders back (ok, no, not that far) and walk proud.

www.figleaves.com

www.bravissimo.com

www.undercoverexperience.com

www.myintimacy.com

www.saks.com

www.nordstroms.com