Ok, so maybe it's more like 7 lbs, 14, maybe even 20. Let's not get so detailed. The point is, your favorite pair of bottoms didn't shrink in the dryer. Remember? We talked about this. Your fave jeans takes 6 wears for it to feel comfortable again after a round in the dryer so you decided to hang dry even though they feel like a piece of cardboard for the first 3 wears. What was I saying? Oh, yeah... Those extra 5 lbs. Yup, that's why you had trouble buttoning your jeans this morning. So, what are you gonna do about it? You have a couple of choices. You could start trying on every single item in your closet only to realize that everything in your closet looks horrible on you and you couldn't possibly leave your room this morning because you will spend the next several hours torturing yourself by the light of day. Forget work, housework, kids, the phone - you have more important things at hand. And when did that extra dimple show up? Or you could rummage through the very back or bottom or top of your closet for the clothes you promised yourself never to wear again after you lost a few. You meant to give them away, but after they spent 8 months in the trunk of your car, your husband mistakenly dragged it in with the rest of the groceries. Sweating and sneezing you pull on what used to be your favorite top. ACK!!!
It fits. NOoooooooo!!!! Instantly, you dissolve into tears because if it looks good, it means it fits and if it fits, it means.... Oh, stop with the melodrama. You could just bleach all your clothes, or scorch them with your iron or shrink them in your dryer until they're so small they'd fit the cabbage patch doll you had as a kid. But why bother with the traitors? You could just crawl into bed for the rest of the day and surround yourself with junk food. Oh, yeah, you got rid of that stuff. What about the baking chocolate - ok, so it's a little bitter on the bittersweet side of things - goes with the mood, right? Screeeeeeeeeeeeech. Get out of bed. Here's what you need to do................... (Oops, sorry for the break, I just got up to get some ice cream.)
Take a shower, all that sniveling needs to be washed away. You should get a nice smelling shower gel for such occasions. My preference is minty fresh stuff (Burt's Bees makes a really nice one). Put on your makeup if you wear any. Today is not a day to experiment with that new red lipstick (trust me, you have to be in the right frame of mind otherwise you'll end up in bed again). Put on your new favorite bra (see first post) and underwear that doesn't dig in anywhere. If you'll feel more comfortable wearing your Spanx, then go for it. Put on your old clothes. Yes, today is also not a day to squeeze yourself into anything that will poke (fun of) you all day, oh and yeah, the bleach stain really is noticeable. Put on a great pair of heels because..... HELLO? Oh, you were looking at yourself in the mirror. Not so bad, right? Yeah, heels really do come in handy sometimes. The camera may add on 10 lbs, but heels take away 5 and no one is taking your picture. And if they do, I'll threaten to put up many horrible photos of them on Facebook. A spritz of perfume, no more than 3 minutes in front of the entryway mirror and out you go. If you are a firm believer in retail therapy, take my suggestion and don't do any clothes shopping. Accessories and shoes - those are your options. You know, because no matter what - you could always find something in the those categories to make you feel a little better. Stand a little taller, smile a little harder. But most importantly, give a genuine compliment to a different person each day for the next week. Yeah, you got it. Sometimes, the best way to make yourself feel better is to make someone else feel good too, it's that ch-easy (oh, the pun!).
And if all else fails, get yourself some junk food.
